It's just the way things are.....

My latest Facebook status:

Needs to love and feel comfortable with herself, before I'll love and be comfortable with anyone else.

 That is generally how I am feeling at the moment, I dont seem to feel comfortable with myself and my body, I've tried to do something about it, I eat healthy and it doesn't seem to make any difference. So I retire into this bubble of depression, only I don't show it much unless I'm at home. 

I feel unloved, lonely, overweight and more. I miss the old me, the thin one who could do anything and everything when she wanted, the attractive me. I dont see any part of me that is attractive, I hide behind this mask of being humours. When someone trys to make me smile it only last 5 seconds until I retire into my bubble. 

I see all these thin good looking girls and I'm jealous, for some reason I find it hard to find other men attractive to, its like I've lost my everything, I don't have many friends outside of college. I miss going out having fun. being that big flirty girl that loved herself.

 Now that I'm single I find it hard, but I also don't want anyone at the moment, unless there that fairy tale person who can make me happy, makes me feel attractive. someone rich :P now I'm pushing my luck.

 Kiara has grown up so quick, 1 years old now walking and talking. she's not herself at the moment seems to be upset quite a bit, I don't know if its because me and sam are no longer together, He did move out for a around2 weeks to his mums but then they were being arse holes and now his mum is in london. so I've got him back here. its since he's moved back kiara seems to be upset and clingy towards him. the week he wasn't here she was ill and cuddly me and her spent most the time on the sofa sleeping.

 I just want to be happy and loved and to move on but I just can not see it happening......