Angry breakdown upset

Fucking sick of men he mans in his facebook about another night on the sofa cause of Kiara when it's his choice and now she's aslepp he still chooses the sofa then wants £20 back for the nappies cause I pay for fucking everything now wants me to pay the virgin bill to can fyck off for all I care sick if t I'm sick of life don't know why I bother and even though I'm exorsted cause he's fucked me off I can't sleep he talks to other girls More than me. Now not sharing a bed this carries on it's going to go back to how
It used to be him going to girls houses next and then well I don't wanna say it. Feeling like an emotional breakdown.......

From good - tiring - bad

So on Friday me and kiara went to the local playgroup where she crawled and explored we met two girls and their girls. Kiara got to interact with them too then we all walked through asda as we have in common that the us one guy each we like to look at lol. Then came home to get some lunch met up with the girls again to go to another play group we got told about. When we got home we was knakard, then Sam turned up pissed out of his head which fucked me off as we have a daughter to look after and responsibilities. He just laughted, then wound me up later. Then Saturday me and kiara went town to walk tian to work then text Frankie and met up wi her as she needed nee swimming cozzy for her and baby then had lunch went swimming with them and amy, then chavs started on us due to them using family changing rooms got home then went back out for BBQ at Kyla's then back home and knakard. Sunday was a dull day of kiara screamng and me feelg shit went to playgroup with Frankie and Jordan then went teaco wi Tian went to see her Smother then bac home ate shitloads and now I feel like crap feel like giving up feel unlined and want to be huged and on top of that SAMs always talking to other girls more than me lovley

Texting

Basically I have been really bored last two days had lots if fun giggles with Tian we nth sitting next to each other texting each other and other people. Sam just wound me up as usual Kiara is a mardy bum ATM. And cause ts weekend I get free text so I've been doing nothing but text lots of fun when I'm catching up with people the odd bit of flrting, speaking of flirting I said to jake he's got a tight bum and Dam gave the most draggery eyes ever at me u wasn't flirting then lol it's just the shorts jake was wearing made it look tight and I felt he needed to know this. Currently sat in Kiaras rom texting Ben (Herdy) yay

Being the Big Sister/Mother ....

Me and Kiara went to Messy Play at sure start today, met a lady named Michelle and her daughter Hannah, both was sharing bits of info, ie labour and how the men don't listen when we say no to doing something with babies. LOL
This afternoon I popped to my brothers school to have a natter with a few of my old teachers and also it was parents evening, so I poped around to see how my brothers and sisters were doing, lovely to know I'm the sister and seeing how things are, but the parents aint there, I'm being mum for brother as well as my own daughter, I don't mind too much its nice to spend time with Ben.

Just Don't Know Anymore....

I don't know what I want anymore, or is it that I know what I want and don't know how to get it done, because I'm scared, scared of losing or being the bad person.
I feel unhappy, because what I want doesn't seem to be there like it used to, I'm just wanting a change and wanting things to be well maybe a bit fairy tale and how I've always dreamed.

Woke up trying to get Kiara up again, Fed her, waiting for Tian to get here as she said she would look after Kiara while I went into the gym.
When I got to the gym I went on the bike, then the wave machine, then rowing machine, the weights to help tighten my arms and abs then did some stretches and sit ups then went onto ski running machine then the leg weight machine. I must find the actual names for these. When I went to have a shower, the women who came out scared Kiara so I thought quick get dried and dressed a weirdo has scared my daughter. LOL!
After that I went to pop and see how my brother has been at school (he'd been okay)
then after dropping my prescription off at Asda Chemist, Me, Tian & Kiara pop to my mums to get a tenner she owed me. Then we went Shopping for some food bits at asda collected my prescription, realised what time it was and quickly headed home as I had an appointment for Family Nurse. she end up turning up late anyway, Me & Tian quickly tidyed up a bit.
When Rachael arrived we disgust about Kiara being a madam and wanting to do what babies do now shes reached the age of wanting to explore and attack everything. I filled a few sheets out, we get Kiara weighed 7.18kg / 15lb 13oz
Didn't do much after that I prepared the veg for dinner while Sam & Jordan got practising a few songs then Sam took over and cook what I can only explain as an AMAZING cottage pie. YummY! (With chicken mince)

Driving

Today I haven't really done much, pop to asda. Nothing major until Tian & Jpsh turned up. Me and them we driving. Josh being the one who can drive and has past his test a couple of years ago. He was teaching me and Tian. Tian went first (shed had a lesson before) she did pretty well I'd trust being in the car with her. The u had ago took about 6 stalls until I got it lol 2nd gear doesn't like me, I even reversed and round a corner. I think I was drive for about 30-45 minutes. Can't wait to do it again. Kiara is now playing up crawling and moving a lot, Sam's trying to dump het on me as usual....

BBQ

Yesterday me and kiara end up going to the forest with my mum, brothers, auntie, uncle and cousins. Lovely day one minute the sun was there then the clouds hid it. Lovely food made by bbq's that didn't want to work until the end when we put my quaterpounders on because of the fats from it. Yummy!

Not well

Feeling sleepy again, kiara has been to me and her fell asleep on the sofa together, I got pins and needles in my hand and arm which was annoying now we are sitting on the sofa watching comdey central while kiara bounces across my leg to get her dummy off Sam

Crazy polish lady

Next door just hand picked flowers out her garden and put them nicely together with a tie which looks like a bandage knocked on my door, and insited I took them.... Crazy lady

Skip....

I was up at 6:45 had to get ready get Kiara ready and then head to asda to ATM to pick moneys put for the skip. Now waiting for it to arrive, they said it would arrive around 10.30 latest incase of traffic and I'm still waiting now (11.30).

4minutes later it arrives and its tiny lol.

Fennal seeds

Today woke up went doctors, very nice doctor first time I met him he was very good at keeping Kiara entertained. He's put me on anti biotics, and told me to by fennal seeds and if I eat/drink them it should help Kiara's wind and stomach pains. Lovely to cure her I have to take the stuff, she gets it through the breastmilk obviously.
Me & Tian went into town again it was to get a brolly an I end up doing shopping for mum too, had me brother tagging along to. End up buying new trainers and flipflops and a little something to wear hoping it would spice up the love life a little, which it did a little (he got What he wanted I could of been given some more) lovely for the men to finsh them selves and for the women to be left wanting more but not getting it, even after him saying if I straightern his hair he will give more. Kiara distracted that as well waking up,as usual. Leaving me to get her to sleep and him going to sleep so by the time she's asleep he is to. Well thanky you. Pfft!!

Poorly me & poorly Kiara

Me and my baby haven't been feeling to well this week well she's not been feeling to well for a few weeks really. So doctors at 11:10 to see what we can do, if they tell me it's a damn virual infection I won't be happy. I want something done so u can get back to doing things.

iPhone holds all

Yay! Just got an app on my iPhone for blogspot, ps my best friend is Tian and I love to bugg her

Another night, the same as any other

Seriously why do we bother sometimes it's like trying to get a dead pig to come alive, it just ain't going to happen. If you ever notice one if your friends get grotchy and moody, they either ain't getting any, ain't getting enough, or it's shit... Or all of the when they do get it finally it's crap and barely last long enough.
Now mat people know me I'm one for want it and talking about it all the time. And I tend to go on about it the most when there's not enough and I want some. Or I get t the annying point of trying to fix other peoples/ or their lovelfe, (which can get irriating for them), because maybe I feel they deserve better then what I'm getting.
You know it's hard to be in a relationship when they are occupied with other stuff and when they talk to others, text others, or msn chat to others more then the person they should be seriously concerntrating on, cause to be honest if you dont put the effort in then it'll end up going no where or ending.

Downer....

Do you ever get the feeling that your not worth looking at anymore....
I do.
Not a nice feeling, not when I try and try for someone and just feel like it was a waste of my time and effort. Just makes me bored of my own life and want to find something else, something thats going to keep me smiling and add that extra spice.
Do you ever find yourself fantasizing with someone else? someone perhaps you shouldn't be?
Do I.
Its all these little things that make me feel so down because maybe, just maybe, what I have I no longer want.
And to add on to the downer, your ill, over eating/under eating, but still moaning you need to lose weight.
I have a gym membership now, its just trying to find the time to go and the baby sitter to look after madam.
She's not well either. So I'm looking after myself and her, Then getting the other half moaning because she's not quiet enough. Its like FFS as if I haven't got enough with her moaning, a headache and compleately tired, that I have to listen to you moaning too.
And he wonders why I'm always in a  mood.