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LOVE SURROUNDS YOU! You just cannot see it all the time.

I wanna feel it not see it

Ask me anything

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any fun dreams recently?

I have funny dreams al the time, Its from not getting the full time sleep I need. You was in my last one

Ask me anything

A Break....

I'm having a break for a bit, I just want him to realize that I need to be loved and need him to show me that he cares

ARGH! He's more interested in her. F**king Grrrr. I'm sick of it. I was only sitting next to him and he turns to me and says "what?" I'm like huh? then he says why do I always want attention of him, and Kiara's only ever wanting attention off him.
For F*** Sake, I'm your Fiancee and shes your daughter, I don't ask anything of him ever. I just want to be loved, is that really to much to ask for.
So I tuned round to him and said well you only seem to want to give Danielle your attention. (his 'Synth player' from his band, thats going no where) i feel its an excuse. he went straight after work to go see her, to have a 'coffee' to 'talk about band stuff'. I wish his Band was going somewhere, but he seems to be focusing on it more then me and our daughter, he was the one who suggested having a family, I always wanted one but was fine with waiting longer.I don't regret having Kiara, I love her to bits, but he's not putting much effort into it. I gie him his space and at night all i as is half an hour of us time at least, but No, I'm either to close to his face or annoying him. thats his words.
What can I do......

My New Look/ Back To Old Look

I've been missing my black hair so much, Sam wanted it Red so I kept it red, then last week I was looking at old photo's and I was like I miss that me, old bubbley bouncey me and my black hair, I don't see why he wanted it red and didn't want it black he met me with black hair. I first cut my fringe, and messed it up. Ha teach me right for not using correct scissors. now I look younge, that was not the aim, hehe.

Do you ever get the feeling.

Do you ever get the feeling that they don't love you anymore, or they are not interested in you, they talk to someone else more than they talk to you and you live with them. Theres just silence in the room. I'm always asking how he is just to see if I can get some kind of conversation out of him, but all i get it 'Mmm' and shoulders shrugged. If i want a kiss off him he says no or makes an excuse like its too hot or your too close to my face. So I keep asking myself, does he love me? is he interested?
It's just making me depressed I put on a smile and get on with life, but once I'm in the bed room and Kiara is asleep I'm crying, I've even come to the point of watching chick flicks, something that makes me cry watching people with happiness or losing someone, because all I really want is for the Sam I fell in love with to come back, or if he's not interested for him to tell me, I don't want to sit in this world with no love, its the only thing that keeps me truly happy. I keep finding myself wanting to talk to others maybe someone will love me. but I don't get anything of anyone. The only love i seem to have is me and my daughter, yet it doesn't seem enough.

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FRINGE

ArGH! don't you just hate it when you get your fringe cut, you get it cut longer then you want it and it still manages to got shot then you wanted it when you let go. I'm going to dye my hair black tomorrow, even though most people said I should stay red. I miss my black hair. or I might just re do my red. God knows. I want my fringe to grow, WHY did i cut my hair. ARGH! I was just looking at old photos and missing what i looked like then.