Ha was I kidding myself....

There for a moment, today gas been crap u was trying to dicide what I was going to do at college get myself sorted for me college won't answer phone so I went down there and no one was in. Appointment on Thursday. I popped into to the creshe it's small kiara wanted to play, good sign. The women said um better getting a fulltime course as childcare wont cover me after january if i don't. Sam also hasn't been at work for a week. Discided he's looking for a new one but won't go work untill he has another which has fucked me off. Means less fucking money. Kiaras not well and won't let Me get her to sleep wants daddy oh how loved I feel. Every course I try set mymind to some fucker says something about it costing to much or some stupid reason, so now I can't be arsed cause I'm going to end up how I never wanted. My mum, fat looking after kids and a dole sucking failuar. Oh and Sam doesn't wanna be loving otnhave sex so that's another thing to add to my I hate life cause nothig is going my way list, I give up on life don't see the point anymore. Aint getting to the gym anymore so no me time I can't seem to see anything happy now just going to cry

Things are looking ^up!

So after wanting to kick Sam out and haying life and making a fuss over nothing things are looking up so much, me and Sam have got things on track we are Both working towards our relationship Sam is being a bigger help with Kiar they are having there times together, we are doing family activities together like swimming, which Kiara loves.
Tian seems a lot happier, she has a new boyfriend she's getting mre work inso I don't get to see her much :( Im trying to keep texting her cause u wanna keep our friendship stronge. Think everyones life had to get worse before it could get better. I'm happy too, councilor said we are going to do 4 more sessions and probably end it as I seem happier. I think it's been more me and Sam working on it then counciling, Tian has helped so much I don't know what I'd do wi out her tbh. Love my little family so much. & Love my Best friend x <3 x

Nightout - nightmare

Went out last night spent mist the night with Tian and Martin(Tians workfriend) meet up with my brother Joshua uncle Martin and auntie Sharon had a few drinks in weatherspoon then it was for cocktails in Squares. My brother can be so embaressing lol he us so much like me. I didn't believe it. After Squares we pop to Pit cause I wanted to get cocktail from there and see Sam, then he got all arsey at me cause I mentioned my brother. I swear to go he needs to grow the fuck up. So because he was like that I sat in a corner with Tian and sMartin to see Sam leaning over Rozzie, which didnt look to good. So cause e was in a mood and it was fucking the night up me tian and martin went to tantra were the drinks cost a fucking bomb so I brought 1 and we shared it between us. Then fucked off to walkabout. Where me and Tian got to dance. We got martin smelly mates trying to dance with us there was only one of the that didn't try any thing even after martin telling the other two I have a Fiancee. Piss heads. So time got to near an end and I went to head to the Sal to look for Sam so we could all get a taxi home. Then got a phone call saying he's in a taxi with Jake and rozzie cause rozzie wasn't feeling to good. So we had 1 drink in Sal then onthe way to getting kebab someone said something about taking a parking ticket off a car and putting it on another car me being how pissed I was ran and did it apparently I then was kicking cars. After that all I remember is buying kebab eating kebab get in taxi get out taxi wait for Sam to get back which I don't understand he left before us and we had drink waited for kebab got taxi and the walking in between and he still wasn't back for 10 minutres then he was In an arsed off mood cause I said martin could stop so I came up to get a blanket for tian and me
And Sam end up aruging so tian took her and martin to hers. Just made me realise what a prick Sam really is and do I really want to be with him.